We were glad. We had a few days off school and would be able to meet quietly during the day. School had started not very long ago. We weren't in the same class because I was a good year older than her. So we could only have met at break-time. Breaks are short and the yard full of people. It's not easy to talk but looks often speak louder than words. We walked together slowly. When I was asked to take part in some game or other I declined, which one day earned me a taunt that should have hurt my masculine pride. It made us laugh and annoyed the taunters. It was decided that I would go to her house, just after lunch.

That evening, when I asked permission, my parents asked me questions I couldn't answer. I knew where she lived but had forgotten to ask her name, which my parents found odd. Otherwise… I knew nothing. In the end they allowed me to go and see her as long as I followed a whole load of recommendations. It was new territory for me, because until then I had always gone to friends my parents knew. I didn't understand but it didn't bother me either and I soon forgot… their recommendations too, I think.

The next day I called on her.

Her parents welcomed me, in the offhand way people usually treat children who haven't done anything wrong. They told me I went to the same school as their daughter. I let them see how interesting I found the news. The question of my size for my age was discussed with care. I was bigger than their daughter, they informed me, though I wasn't sure whether they meant my size or my age. But it might have been something else because there was something hesitant in their attitude that I couldn't fathom. I was asked a few simple questions about my parents, to which I replied simply.

Her parents finally declared that we could go up to her room. They may have added that we shouldn't make too much noise but I'm not sure - we were on our way out.

Entering her room, she gestures expansively with her arm, as if to show me the place where she lives and to tell me to come in. I look around; I see her eyes following me. Her room isn't full of people but talking still isn't easy.

"Look, it's a cherry tree, you can eat the cherries, they're really good; and Mummy makes jam."

I go over to the window, a high double window that makes the room very light.

"If you're not cold, we can go out onto the balcony", she says.

I tell her I'm not cold and she opens the window.

"There aren't any cherries now, they come in the spring. Last year there were loads!"

She accompanies her words with a peal of laughter that wings towards the cherry tree. She suddenly adds:

"It's a good job cats don't eat cherries!"

"Why?"

"Because he's always climbing the cherry tree."

"You've got a cat?"

"My parents got me a cat. It's just right for children!"

"Just right for children?"

"That's what I heard them tell their friends."

"What about you?"

"I can't talk to him; he never talks back."

We fall silent for a moment.

"I haven't got a cat."

"Have you got a dog?" she quizzes me.

"No, my parents haven't got any pets."

"Would you have liked one?"

She scrutinises me.

"Pets don't interest me."

I get the impression she is relieved by my answer. I go on:

"Pets annoy me. My aunt has a dog. When I go to see her, she pays more attention to her dog than to me."

"Nobody here looks after the cat. And…"

She stops suddenly, then, after a pause:

"Does that bother you?"

"What, that nobody looks after your cat?"

"It's not my cat. It's the cat. No, that your aunt dotes on her dog, not you?"

She didn't look at me when she asked her question. She's gazing at the garden. I answer hesitantly:

"I don't know. I don't know if my aunt…"

"Is she married?"

"Yes."

"And your uncle?"

I ponder. She goes on:

"Does your uncle dote on the dog as well?"

"Yes… no…. not as much as my aunt, I think."

"Does he pay attention to you?"

"He gives me Christmas and birthday presents."

"The cat was for my birthday."

We stand for a long moment on the balcony without speaking. I look at the cherry tree and think about jam.

"I haven't got a cherry tree."

"Haven't you got a garden?"

She seemed worried when she asked me the question. I answer calmly:

"I have got a garden, but with lots of flowers and… lovely trees - that's what my parents say."

"And a cherry tree isn't lovely?"

"If you can get jam from it, it's lovely enough for me!"

She laughs, we laugh. She adopts a falsely conspiratorial air and says:

"We'll eat a whole jar of it together!"

We're back in her room again. She shows me everything that's around her when she's there, on her own. On the bed, something I can't call a doll, a rag thing but… it has eyes, big eyes, eyes that speak.

"I made it myself"

When she spoke, her voice was low and warm. She added:

"I called it Moon."

I didn't know what to say and picked up Moon… I don't know why.

"It talks back", I said.

We were silent. I put Moon back on the bed and murmured:

"Do you think I could talk to it?"

"You already have done."

I stood for a moment without thinking, then, as if it was an answer:

"You're Aphrodite."

"Aphrodite?"

"At school, they told us about the Greek gods. They share their lives with people on earth. Aphrodite is the goddess of love."

She looks at me with eyes that do not move, that do not let anything else move.

"Come on, I'll show you my books."

She has spoken with her low, warm voice again. She shows me the books she reads and her schoolbooks.

"Do you think I'll be a grown-up like my parents when I've learnt everything?" she asks me.

Her question takes me by surprise. I answer, hesitating a little:

"I think you can grow up without learning anything…"

She butts in:

"Yes, I'm sure you can! But you can't do everything that grown-ups do. It's because we don't know how to do what they know how to do. I think that's why."

Her words trouble me. Know. I have already wondered why I wanted to know…

"I often feel as though I'm forced to know…"

She seems surprised.

"You think you're being forced…" she begins.

I shake my head. Then:

"No, I'm not being forced… Well, of course I have to learn what I'm taught at school, but that's not what I mean."

She listens attentively, leaning forward slightly. Her eyes are still and wide open.

I start again:

"I get the impression that if I don't know… it's as though I were defenceless."

"Are you afraid people will laugh at you?"

"Maybe. But mostly that… not that people will overlook me, but… it's as though I didn't count… or that I wasn't… that I were…"

"Too little?"

I was expecting her to laugh. But she kept an attentive look that encouraged me to go on:

"I don't feel too little. It's them that are big. If I don't know, it's as though I had something missing - yes, that's it, it's like being disabled; you know, someone with only one leg. And he can't run - like the others can. And he can't run away if someone chases him."

"Why would anyone chase him?"

"I don't know. That's how it is. But it does happen. I mean, if I can't answer a question at school, the teacher chases me… to punish me."

"So those who know punish those who don't?"

She breaks off, then:

"Growing up means having the right to punish? No, it can't be that."

She seems saddened. I get the impression I've said something daft. I try and make up for it:

"I don't think that's the way it is. It's because I'm a child that I don't understand how adults think."

Aphrodite shakes her head disapprovingly and says:

"What does that mean, a child? People call me a 'child'. Some friends of my parents have got a little girl who's four; she's a child as far as I'm concerned. You're a bit bigger than I am; you're not a child to me."

She remains silent for a moment, then:

"My mother said a couple of months ago that now I was old enough to have children."

She studies me, then continues:

"She didn't put it like that, she didn't talk about having children, but that's what she meant."

She studies me again and adds:

"Are you with me?"

I'm surprised not to feel embarrassed and answer calmly:

"Yes. A doctor told me not long ago that I was old enough to have children as well."

I remain pensive. Aphrodite has taken Moon in her arms. I go on:

"When you have children you're a Mum or a Dad, when you don't you're a child." She has lifted her head and looks at me smiling:

"So there are grown-ups who are children, then", she exclaims.

After a short silence, she adds:

"So what is a child?"

She looks at Moon and says softly to it:

"You're not a child, because you'll never have children."

Aphrodite's mother has called us to have tea. At our age, we needed food. And in any case we weren't doing anything upstairs, in the room. And then we could talk about school, about how I was doing there. If her daughter worked hard, she could be in the same class as me next year. "But I think I'll be in another class by then."

"Yes, yes, of course, I'm sure you're very good at school. Do you like my cake? My daughter loves it. Is it hard, your class? I'm sure you've got good teachers, my daughter's are excellent. She works hard, she mustn't have too many distractions, she likes to do lots of different things, that's fine, but schoolwork comes first. Do you like school?"

"Yes, I like learning."

"Learning your lessons? Good, very good!"

"My schoolwork helps me to know… to find out…"

I hesitated, not wishing to seem pretentious by talking about an unknown world that I was looking forward to discovering. Aphrodite's mother came to my assistance:

"If you learn your lessons properly, you'll get good marks."

I hesitated again and started:

"Lessons…"

Aphrodite cut in:

"You get good marks for doing good homework too."

Her mother does not seem in the least surprised. She gives her daughter a big smile and says:

"Absolutely!"

I am questioned again. But I think I have understood the reason for Aphrodite's interruption. I carefully repeat everything I have read in my schoolbooks and everything I have heard adults say about the way I ought to behave. Aphrodite's mother listens to me with the interest that causes a cat to contemplate a mouse. And a mouse is entitled to lie to a cat.

I have passed the exam and we can go back… to play in her room...

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